DO IT ANYWAY

I get up every morning, drink my coffee, take my shower, dress, go to the sewing room, sew, clean the house, cook, sew some more.  Why am I saying this? Well, I thought back months ago I had found myself, but when it comes down to it - who am I? I've been thinking about this, and, so far, have not come up with anything. Do you ever just wonder how you got where you are, where you have been, why some things happened to you, or why some things did not happen to you. Am I happy with my life? Well, I love my husband, I loved my children, I love my grandchildren, but am I really happy with me? The answer to that is NO. A big fat NO. And I don't know why.

Lord, please help me to understand me. Somedays I just want to hide away, never go outside. I cry more than ever these days. I think about my life and what I have accomplished. Guess what! I can't think of anything that I have done that is important in this life. I mean, shouldn't I have done something that contributed to mankind or the poor or the underprivileged or the homeless or the sick children that are all over this earth? I've never won an award, been written about in books or newspapers, never made a lot of money, never made a difference. Maybe that's what is wrong - I've never made a difference. Am I having a pity party? Well, maybe I am, but I don't think so. I'm just trying to figure out who is Virginia Lynn Higginbotham Palmertree? Really, who is she?

I wanted to be somewhere else with my life at this stage of the game. I wanted to have made more money, been more important, been more successful by age 64. And how did I get here so fast? I don't want to leave this earth and regret my life. I don't want to leave this earth wondering if I ever did enough. Oh, the money is not important to me, the "fame" wouldn't make a difference, I just want to make a difference. But first I have to know who I am and why am I here? It's getting late in this life of mine, so I need to hurry up and solve this mystery.

I'm watching American Idol and Lauren just sang a song that has made me think - "I Did It Anyway". Wait, maybe that's the answer.

You can spend your whole life buildin' Something from nothin' One storm can come and blow it all away Build it anyway You can chase a dream That seems so out of reach And you know it might not ever come your way Dream it anyway God is great But sometimes life ain't good And when I pray It doesn't always turn out like I think it should But I do it anyway I do it anyway This world's gone crazy It's hard to believe That tomorrow will be better than today Believe it anyway You can love someone with all your heart For all the right reasons In a moment they can choose to walk away Love 'em anyway God is great But sometimes life ain't good And when I pray It doesn't always turn out like I think it should But I do it anyway Yeah - I do it anyway You can pour your soul out singing A song you believe in That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang Sing it anyway Yea, sing it anyway Yeah, yeah! I sing I dream I love anyway